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Jokes
Feb 25, 2009 12:04:04 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Feb 25, 2009 12:04:04 GMT -5
This is where you can add your favorite jokes. I love jokes. Laughter is the best medicine. I'll start, and this one requires someone to answer. There are 3 houses; a red house, a blue house, and a white house. The red house is to the left of the house in the middle and the blue house is to right of the house in the middle. Where is the white house? Let's try and get this joke done before we start a new one. That might confuse people. I hope you guys like this one!
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Jokes
Feb 25, 2009 13:20:43 GMT -5
Post by medi on Feb 25, 2009 13:20:43 GMT -5
I know this answer but I no tell I want to see if anyone else can guess this one
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Jokes
Feb 25, 2009 13:23:33 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Feb 25, 2009 13:23:33 GMT -5
good cuz I already told you.
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2009 19:42:39 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Feb 27, 2009 19:42:39 GMT -5
No one's gonna try? C'mon!!!
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:27:37 GMT -5
Post by Rikku on Mar 1, 2009 22:27:37 GMT -5
yeah come one and try unless your chicken
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:28:28 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 1, 2009 22:28:28 GMT -5
lol Medi
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:32:00 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 1, 2009 22:32:00 GMT -5
I didn't even see it, sorry. But I can't think of any clean jokes. Nope. nothin'.
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:35:54 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 1, 2009 22:35:54 GMT -5
White house is in the middle.
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:36:34 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 1, 2009 22:36:34 GMT -5
nope
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:41:25 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 1, 2009 22:41:25 GMT -5
landmark
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Jokes
Mar 1, 2009 22:44:05 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 1, 2009 22:44:05 GMT -5
Really long, guys, sorry.
50 Fun Things To Do at Wal*Mart 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens 11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!" 15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department. 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive 17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field 19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!" 20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought the customer was always right!" 21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles. 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." 26. TP as much of the store as possible. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover." 31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples) 32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men. 33. Take bets on the battle from above 34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies." 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's 45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels 46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again." 49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time 50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. *BONUS* 1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out. 2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2009 17:44:07 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 5, 2009 17:44:07 GMT -5
These are just e-mail forwards, but they're still good.
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
14. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"? __________________________________________________________
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2009 18:53:29 GMT -5
Post by Melissa on Mar 5, 2009 18:53:29 GMT -5
The White house is in Washington, DC ;D
Not really jokes, but ponder-isms (:
Can you cry under water? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What disease did cured ham actually have? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2009 19:18:47 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 5, 2009 19:18:47 GMT -5
It looks like we''re all just trolling our stupid e-mail forwards. And yes, Melissa, I did sing the two songs. *rolls eyes*
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2009 20:28:02 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 5, 2009 20:28:02 GMT -5
I did too. For some reason, that sounds familiar.
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