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Post by elphie on Nov 24, 2012 2:06:07 GMT -5
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML [that actually made me shudder in horror. not easy to do, that] Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML [this one, too]
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Post by elphie on Nov 25, 2012 20:47:52 GMT -5
Here's some ANIMAL funnies!
Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML [me]
Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML [It's the Nazgul comment that cracks me up]
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Post by elphie on Nov 25, 2012 20:48:17 GMT -5
hmm...will have to find more.
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Post by elphie on Feb 20, 2013 8:35:48 GMT -5
real life fact: you will not realize how hairy your arms are until you have to take off that band-aid. Even if you're a girl.
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Post by Firefly on Feb 27, 2013 14:20:37 GMT -5
Do I wanna know what a Nazgul is? And about the band-aid, so true.
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Post by elphie on Mar 2, 2013 13:53:50 GMT -5
Nazgul: One of the dark things from the Lord of the Rings. I think it's the things that the dark kings fly on.
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Post by elphie on Jul 16, 2013 17:18:49 GMT -5
Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML Today, I told my sister that boys are stronger than girls. She responded by beating the living crap out of me to prove me wrong. She's twelve. I'm eighteen. FML
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Post by elphie on Dec 20, 2013 12:47:01 GMT -5
Last week, I ran screaming after a snow plow after he plowed us in. Mature? Effective? No. Stupid? Yep.
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