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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:24:32 GMT -5
Post by Cloris on Mar 27, 2009 11:24:32 GMT -5
A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. teacher: What are you waiting for? student: I don't know which side to write the other 5! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer: Phone rings: "Green, green!" They answer: "Yellow?" They ask: "White?" They hang up: "Pink!"
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:25:08 GMT -5
Post by Cloris on Mar 27, 2009 11:25:08 GMT -5
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there? Man: I offer you myself. Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it. Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you." The man replys, "By the week or by the month?" The agent answers, "By the garbage dump.." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bank Teller: How do you like the money? English Student: I like it very much. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Why do you take baths in milk?" "I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee Waitress : Is it enough Sir? Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You look very funny wearing that belt." "I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I was born in California." "Which part?" "All of me." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?" "No, I'm sorry I don't." "Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions? Student: Well...yes and no.
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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:26:27 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 27, 2009 11:26:27 GMT -5
lol nice ones. I have only heard the tea one before. I love 'em! cool
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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:30:18 GMT -5
Post by Cloris on Mar 27, 2009 11:30:18 GMT -5
i still cant understand some part, such like the color phone , what does it mean?
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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:43:44 GMT -5
Post by Cloris on Mar 27, 2009 11:43:44 GMT -5
oh, amy, you offline again..
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Jokes
Mar 27, 2009 11:58:31 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 27, 2009 11:58:31 GMT -5
i don't understand the color phone either. It is lame. sorry I left, I was watching "The Topaz Connection" of the original series.
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Jokes
Mar 28, 2009 11:01:22 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 28, 2009 11:01:22 GMT -5
Oh, cloris, those are awesome! I don't get the phone one either, though..
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Jokes
Mar 28, 2009 12:20:17 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 28, 2009 12:20:17 GMT -5
Word play joke? I dunno...
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Jokes
Mar 28, 2009 12:32:31 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 28, 2009 12:32:31 GMT -5
Nope....still don't get it.
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Jokes
Mar 29, 2009 14:34:27 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 29, 2009 14:34:27 GMT -5
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!' The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.' The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.' The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.'
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Jokes
Mar 29, 2009 14:40:04 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 29, 2009 14:40:04 GMT -5
Ok, I found a bunch of random fun quiz things on my e-mail. Here's one:
Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you > >> ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most > >> resemble? > >> > >> A group of investigators got together > >> and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern 20 > >> cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was > >> made into this test. > >> > >> Answer all the questions (only 10) > >> with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which > >> are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look > >> for your results. > >> > >> Do not cheat by looking at the end of > >> the e-mail before you are done > >> > >> Then forward this to all your friends > >> ( including the person who sent it to you ) and change the > >> subject of this message to which character you are. > >> > >> 1. Which one of the following > >> describes the perfect date? > >> a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.) > >> b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.) > >> c) Painting in the park (5 pts) > >> d) Rock concert (1 pt.) > >> e) Going to the movies (3 pts.) > >> > >> 2. What is your favorite type of > >> music? > >> a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.) > >> b) Alternative (1 pt.) > >> c) Soft Rock (4 pts.) > >> d) Country (5 pts ) > >> e) Pop (3 pts.) > >> > >> 3. What type of movies do you prefer? > >> > >> a) Comedy (2 pts.) > >> b) Horror (1 pt.) > >> c) Musical (3 pts.) > >> d) Romance (4 pts.) > >> e) Documentary (5 pts.) > >> > >> 4. Which one of these occupations > >> would you choose if you only could choose one of these? > >> a) Waiter (4 pts.) > >> b) Professional Sports Player (5 > >> pts.) > >> c) Teacher (3 pts.) > >> d) Police (2 pts.) > >> e) Cashier (1 pt) > >> > >> 5 What do you do with your spare > >> time? > >> a) Exercise (5 pts.) > >> b) Read (4 pts.) > >> c) Watch television (2 pts.) > >> d) Listen to music (1 pt.) > >> e) Sleep (3 pts.) > >> > >> 6. Which one of the following colors > >> do you like best? > >> a) Yellow (1 pt.) > >> b) White (5 pts.) > >> c) Sky Blue (3 pts) > >> d) Dark Blue(2 pts.) > >> e) Red (4 pts.) > >> > >> 7. What do you prefer to eat? > >> a) Snow (3 pts.) > >> b) Pizza (2 pts.) > >> c) Sushi (1 pt.) > >> d) Pasta (4 pts.) > >> e) Salad (5 pts.) > >> > >> 8. What is your favorite holiday ? > >> a) Halloween(1 pt.) > >> b) Christmas(3 pts.) > >> c) New Year (2 pts.) > >> d) Valentine's Day(4 pts.) > >> e) Thanksgiving(5 pts.) > >> > >> 9. If you could go to one of these > >> places which one would it be? > >> a) Paris (4 pts) > >> b) Spain (5 pts) > >> c) Las Vegas (1 pt) > >> d) Hawaii (4 pts) > >> e) Hollywood (3 pts) > >> > >> 10. With which of the following would > >> you prefer to spend time with? > >> a) Someone Smar t (5 pts.) > >> b) Someone attractive (2 pts.) > >> c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.) > >> d) Someone who always has fun (3 > >> pts.) > >> e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.) > >> > >> Now add up your points and find out > >> the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in > >> the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the > >> person that sent this to you. > >> Very interesting to see 'who' > >> your friends are! > >> > >> (10-16 points) You are Garfield : > >> You are very comfortab le, easy > >> going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes > >> you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are > >> doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may > >> not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you > >> always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy > >> spirit may hurt you or others. > >> > >> (17-23 points) You are Snoopy: > >> You are fun; you are very cool and > >> popular. You always know what's in and you ' re > >> never out of style , y ou are good at knowing how to satisfy > >> everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days > >> more than once but you always come home with the family > >> values that you learned Being married and having children > >> are important to you, but only after you have had your share > >> of fun times > >> > >> (24-28 points) You are Elmo: > >> You h ave lots of friends and you are > >> also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a > >> person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see > >> the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be > >> too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many > >> conflicts in your life. > >> > >> (29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob > >> Square Pants: > >> You are the classic person that > >> everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could > >> ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to > >> anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. > >> Life is a journey, it' s funny and calm for the most > >> part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will > >> be stress free. > >> > >> (36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: > >> > >> You are tender, you fall in love > >> quickly but you are also very serious about all > >> relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom > >> every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally > >> forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse > >> you with reality. > >> > >> (44-50 points ) You are Dexter: > >> You are smart and definitely a > >> thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have > >> a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family > >> principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a > >> bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking > >> every once in a while to spice things up a bit with > >> spontaneity! > >>
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Jokes
Mar 29, 2009 14:42:05 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 29, 2009 14:42:05 GMT -5
I'm elmo, by the way.
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Jokes
Mar 31, 2009 18:24:37 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 31, 2009 18:24:37 GMT -5
I'm Spongebob Squarepants. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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Jokes
Mar 31, 2009 18:42:28 GMT -5
Post by elphie on Mar 31, 2009 18:42:28 GMT -5
That is really accurate! Haha I don't think I'm much like Elmo.
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Jokes
Mar 31, 2009 18:44:25 GMT -5
Post by Firefly on Mar 31, 2009 18:44:25 GMT -5
lol, but I'm not as gay as he is.
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